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kottke.org posts about funny

Amazon Recommendations Understand Area Woman Better Than Husband.

Amazon Recommendations Understand Area Woman Better Than Husband.


Ian Frazier on operating the shower curtain.

Ian Frazier on operating the shower curtain. As a showering enthusiast, I appreciated the description of the convection effect that causes the shower curtain to inexplicably fly inward.


Professor Richard Dawkins Speaks at Fair Hills

Professor Richard Dawkins Speaks at Fair Hills Kindergarten Regarding Santa Claus. “If you are the sort of person who is interested in the truth, perhaps you would consider asking yourself this question: how exactly does a single elderly man not only manufacture but also deliver in a single evening what would, by all forms of logic, account to be millions of toys?”


The kids stayed up past their bedtime

The kids stayed up past their bedtime watching a chainsaw murder movie, so their parents got even by waking them up creatively.


The year in errors

Every year, Regret the Error1 publishes a roundup of the year’s media errors and corrections. I didn’t think anything could beat these corrections from the 2005 list:

Norma Adams-Wade’s June 15 column incorrectly called Mary Ann Thompson-Frenk a socialist. She is a socialite.

The Denver Daily News would like to offer a sincere apology for a typo in Wednesday’s Town Talk regarding New Jersey’s proposal to ban smoking in automobiles. It was not the author’s intention to call New Jersey ‘Jew Jersey.’

but the 2006 collection is a strong one. Here are some of my favorites:

A correction in this column Thursday about a June 14 Taste section recipe for French coconut pie incorrectly suggested that the recipe called for a pint of vodka.

In Wednesday’s Taste section, a Washington Post recipe on Page F7 included an incorrect cooking time for carbonada (braised beef with onions and red wine). The dish should be cooked for 2 1/2 hours, not 10 to 20 minutes.

Because of an editing error, a recipe last Wednesday for meatballs with an article about foods to serve during the Super Bowl misstated the amount of chipotle chilies in adobo to be used. It is one or two canned chilies, not one or two cans.

A story in the July 24 edition of the Sentinel & Enterprise incorrectly spelled Sheri Normandin’s name. Also, Bobby Kincaid is not a quadriplegic.

The regional court in Duesseldorf ordered the weekly WirtschaftsWoche to print a correction to an article that claimed Piech wore “garish ties with hunting motifs” and did not know the exact number of his children from various marriages, a court spokesman said. The magazine, owned by the Handelsblatt group, had published a picture of Piech wearing a tie with a picture of a man with a gun and an elephant. It quoted Piech as saying in an interview that he had sired “about a dozen children. The exact number is not known”. The court accepted Piech’s argument that his comment had been meant ironically and that the motif on his tie was not a hunting motif…

Mr Wakefield is not and never has been a member of the Communist Party. The error is regretted.

In a March 17 story about protests planned against the Iraq war, The Associated Press erroneously identified Jeremy Straughn as a political socialist at Purdue University. He is a political sociologist.

She’s got the patent resume of somebody that has serious skill. She loves football. She’s African-American, which would kind of be a big coon. A big coon. Oh my God. I am totally, totally, totally, totally, totally sorry for that. [He meant “coup”.]

Recent articles in this column may have given the impression that Mr Sven Goran Eriksson was a greedy, useless, incompetent fool. This was a misunderstanding. Mr Eriksson is in fact a footballing genius. We are happy to make this clear.

I especially like the recipe ones…just the thought of some unsuspecting reader eating her meatballs with all those chilies or the fellow debating whether he should serve his obviously raw braised beef to the rest of his family. Be sure to check out the whole list.

[1] When I first posted this, I misspelled “Regret” as “Reget”. (No, really!) I deeply regret the error. (thx, mauayan)↩


Area Man Accidentally Responds To Own ‘M4

Area Man Accidentally Responds To Own ‘M4M’ Ad. “He lives right in my neighborhood, he’s a professional, and he loves to work out β€” he sounds sexy.”


Worst analogies ever written in a high

Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay. “He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. ”


Video of things you can’t do when

Video of things you can’t do when you’re not in a pool. (thx, tana)


Nice thread of people providing examples of

Nice thread of people providing examples of gifts that aren’t really gifts. “The ideal is one that does not insult upon opening, that, in fact, seems like a great gift until living with it for a couple months.” Worst gift I’ve ever heard of anyone getting: a turtle as a housewarming gift. Who gives someone a turtle? Was the wine store closed?


A special bachelorette party menu from a

A special bachelorette party menu from a French restaurant. “Steak Frites with Bearnaise drizzle slowly administered tableside by young, handsome, patient male waiter.”


Comedian Aries Spears does awesome impressions of

Comedian Aries Spears does awesome impressions of LL Cool J, Snoop Dogg, DMX, and Jay-Z. Here’s a shorter bit of him doing Michael Jordan and Shaq. (via zach)


Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks. “

Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks. “Weren’t Sun Chips healthy enough for you, you goddamn hippie bastards?”


“Palm Bay High School freshman Keith Ness

Palm Bay High School freshman Keith Ness said the overwhelming sexual tension he experiences daily between himself and roughly 3.65 billion other people on earth has become ‘almost more than [he] can handle.’


The Onion does a weekly Sunday magazine

The Onion does a weekly Sunday magazine cover that parodies the likes of the New York Times Magazine and Parade.


The problem with the axiom “live each

The problem with the axiom “live each day as if it was your last”: “it can’t possibly be healthy for my body or mind to spend each day sobbing uncontrollably and trying to eat as many Carl’s Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburgers as I can before nightfall.”


The Yakov Smirnoff joke β€” In Soviet

The Yakov Smirnoff joke β€” In Soviet Russia, television watches you! β€” is more formally called the “Russian reversal”.


Clay Davis: Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. This is right up

Clay Davis: Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. This is right up there with Khaaan! (thx, david)


Nerd cartoon: “Sudo make me a sandwich.”

Nerd cartoon: “Sudo make me a sandwich.”


“What would happen if the irrepressibly positive

What would happen if the irrepressibly positive Apple repair technician I talked to this week about my broken iPod were to get a new job at a suicide hotline”.


Area Man Finally Works Up Courage To Sexually Harass Secretary.

Area Man Finally Works Up Courage To Sexually Harass Secretary.


New Improv Everywhere mission: 225 people at the

New Improv Everywhere mission: 225 people at the Home Depot in Chelsea all moving in slow motion. The sped-up video showing all the slow-moers moving at normal speed while everyone else zips around is pretty great. (thx, jakob)


Geoffrey Chaucer writes on his blog about

Geoffrey Chaucer writes on his blog about playing the Exboxe CCCLX video game system. Donkeye-Kynge sounds pretty fun, as does Tyger Woodses Huntinge and Hawkinge. (And I love that the commenters stay in character.) (via rb)


Orgasm or excellent marinara? Can you tell

Orgasm or excellent marinara? Can you tell the difference between the faces of Food Network celebrities and porn stars? Might be a little NSFW depending on where you W. (via ed)


Unnecessary censorship video. Brilliant take on how

Unnecessary censorship video. Brilliant take on how ridiculous the whole TV censorship thing is. (via cyn-c)


A fake biography of cereal monster Count

A fake biography of cereal monster Count Chocula made it into the Wikipedia entry but has since been axed. “Ernst Choukula was born the third child to Estonian landowers in the late autumn of 1873…”

Update: From what I understand, this is a photo taken of the bogus update of the Chocula page. Note the similarities between the Chocula update and the John Trumbull memorialization of another significant moment in history. (thx, mikey)


The proof is in the underpants: global

The proof is in the underpants: global warming is real. (via eyeteeth)


What if some of the world’s best

What if some of the world’s best photographers had posted their photos to a photo message board? Garry Winogrand might have been told: “Man at right needs to be cropped out. Sometimes I find if I shout right before I take the picture I can get people’s attentions. If you had done so we would have been able to see more of their faces.” (via conscientious)


“If there was any doubt about where

If there was any doubt about where the contemporary art market is going, they were dispelled this morning at Christie’s Baghdad, where the US Government paid a record-setting $286 billion for this portrait of the dead Jordanian terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.


The fighting styles of Jakob Nielsen, including

The fighting styles of Jakob Nielsen, including Blue Underline Grab, XML Thumb Strike, and Cooper-Style Monkey Strike. Action figures? Anyone?


Names of books + band names. Charlie Daniels

Names of books + band names. Charlie Daniels and the Chocolate Factory, Motley Crusoe, The Natalie Merchant of Venice, and J-Lolita…you get the idea.